Okay, sure, we all know coffee creamers are the most disgusting things on the planet next to cockroaches in the cereal box. Still, I recognize that a small portion of the population insists on using them, and that’s fine. But, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, keep them apart from the real, actual, grown-up half-and-half.
Few things in modern life are more vile, more nauseating, more gag reflex inducing than reaching for cream and winding up with some hazelnut flavored bullshit floating in your coffee. Jesus fuck!! You pour the white liquid of joy into your brown beverage of happiness only to discover that some lowlife has put the vanilla/hazelnut/Irish Cream vomit-fluid tragically close to the authentic dairy products. Now your much-needed source of caffeine glee has been turned into a Scorsese scene. Suddenly, you’re Joe Pesci and that cup o’ joe just ratted on you.
It’s really very simple. Don’t store plutonium near baby food. Avoid mixing bleach with ammonia. And keep flavored creamers in the insecticide aisle where they belong!
Hey, speaking of coffee...
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