Crude Cart Conduct

It's grocery day - time to suck it up and git 'er done. Cram the kicking toddler into the shopping cart seat, gather up the organic hemp/natural dye/bleach-free shopping bags and get this over with. But wait! We've got some cleaning to do first because we scored a cart that was last used by a fucking warthog.

Yeah, I appreciate that it's super-duper hard to throw your shopping list away in the trashcan three feet away. The only choice you had was to crumple it up and toss it into the cart so housekeeping could take care of it later. Boy-howdy, that empty vitamin-water bottle was just so goddamned heavy, there's no way you were getting that sucker into the recycling bin. And it certainly wouldn't fit in the back of your Escalade. Best to just leave it in the cart so other shoppers can enjoy its decorative nature. You fucking warthog.

And the banana peel you allowed Kymberlee to dump in the cart for somebody else to deal with after her "healthy shopping snack" was uber-thoughtful - the rest of us were totally hoping to have fruit slime wind up on our toothpaste. Hey, I get that those tiny cups and mini napkins the sample lady gives out are a total party but, unlike Christmas morning, Mom's not walking through with a trash bag picking up your wrapping paper.

Believe it or not, shopping carts don't have self-cleaning features. The rest of humanity does not exist to serve you. You are not busier than everybody else. We are not happy to help you out. We are not laid-back about it. And this is NOT hakuna matata. You fucking warthog.

Extra douchebag experience points for not returning that filth-bomb of a cart where it belongs...