Emoticunts

As if emojis aren’t infantile enough, it’s super fab when people hide behind them after a direct scrotum kick.

“Cute dress…time for a spray tan? [winky face]” Is there an emoji for backing over you with my car?

“Nice car...no other colors available? [google-eyed tongue-out face]” So much for your hard drive once I send this emoji with its attached virus.

“Bummer about the job…how’s that degree workin’ out for ya? [hysterical laughter face]” I’ll let you know just as soon as I find an emoji of you in a coffin.

Same goes for that infernal bastion of passive-aggressive wussitude…”LOL.” Instead of being used for something that really, truly made someone guffaw loudly or at least snort audibly, “LOL” is too often used to pretend they didn’t just disembowel somebody on social media. “Heard you moved back in with your mom…she must be so proud. LOL!!”

It’s used so frequently as a bitch shield, I now react with automatic scorn whenever I see it, just assuming there’s an insult hidden in there somewhere.

“Pet Peeve Friday is so funny, I literally LOL!” You can FUCK OFF, DICKHEAD…oh, wait…never mind.

If you have something snarky or abrasive to say, try being an adult. Adulting comes with several options. Option 1 would be to say it directly without adding cartoon characters to make the reader question whether you’re being a jokester or just a twat. Option 2 would be to simply shut up because the chances are good that your caustic opinion isn’t needed in the first place.

Of course, there’s always Option 3…create your own website where you can bitch, insult, rant and complain as much as you want. [winky face]

Speaking of annoying beyond words...