Holey Molar

Awwwww, Lincoln lost a tooth. Quick, grab your phone ’cause you gotta catch that shit the moment it happens! Not only does every contact on social media need to see that Kennedy is, indeed, one incisor short but we need to be visually assaulted with his bloody tooth gap.

Nothing like sitting down for a relaxing lunch break to check in with the interwebs and having visions of Truman’s red-puddled gum hole mixing with our turkey on wheat. Wow, Roosevelt did what every individual on the face of the planet throughout all of human history has done…had a tooth fall out of her fucking head. Good thing you snagged photographic evidence or we would never have believed it! And your parent rating has just reached Norse God status because you weren’t satisfied with Wilson’s cute, gappy grin. Nope. You took your audience on a full-fledged dental excursion way inside that spit-coated gob to reveal the newly ripped crater complete with…whoa!…is that the viscous remnant of a tooth root?? Bonus!

Looking at photos of still-oozing fang fissures is right up there with close-ups asking, “What did my cat EAT?” and, “Should baby poop be this color?” It’s not that we don’t want to see Eisenhower’s rite-of-passage wounds up close or have a super in-depth experience of his dental drama…no, wait…actually, it IS that. It’s EXACTLY that!

Something else nobody loves about those kiddies...