Pay it Backward

Paying it forward…at STARBUCKS. Seriously?

“Ooh, I’m gonna burn off some of my douchebag karma by buying the person behind me a grande soy latte.” The fact that this person is in line for a $5 cup of coffee is proof that they do not need your charity.

Of course, it's not just Starbucks. This applies to any establishment where people go to practice their refinement, display their pricey electronics, or silently scream, "Look, everybody! I'm reading a book!"

Extra dickhead experience points if you then post about it on social media.

"I bought the man behind me a croissant!" Awww, did ya, kitten? His house is fives times larger than yours but, hey, the woman sleeping under the bridge he drove past in his BMW is super stoked about his flaky, warm pastry party. Compliments of you.

When you next feel compelled to visit Planet Bullshit with this ludicrous trend, I encourage you to open your hand and forcefully direct your palm toward your cheek. Repeat until the feeling passes.

Then take your $5, put it in an envelope and mail it to a cause that actually matters.

As long as we're chatting about insincere nonsense...