Pet Puke Peeve

“I know there’s a grassy yard, paved driveway, tiled kitchen and hardwood floors you’ve provided me with. But when I have to puke, I’m heading straight for the rug.”

Hey, thanks, asshole! It’s not enough that I rescued you from certain death, housebroke you, and fed you that fancy-ass food everybody told me I’m supposed to. Nope. You want to make sure there’s just one more chore on my list. Even though the three other humans in the house promised me they’d “do allllllll the work.”

Time for puppy potty training? Hell's yeah, you ignore the pee pad and scoot on over to that Persian rug, you furry fuck. Kitty got a hairball? Newspapers, wooden floors and magazines are for pussies. You've got your devil eyes on that white upholstery...the one without the Scotchguard.

Okay, fine. You're lucky you're cute. But when that axe murderer shows up or there's a mouse in the house one day, your asses better be ON THE JOB!

While we're talking about being stuck with something...