Did you notice that sign on the bathroom door there, muffin? The one with the lady, the man and the little person in the middle? That little person doesn’t represent your luggage. Or your dog. Or your shopping bags. Or your inner child. That little person represents an actual child. Because this is the FAMILY Restroom.
It’s not a break room, gather-your-thoughts room, chill-with-friends room, return-some-phone-calls room, change-your-clothes room, or repack-your-carry-on room. The Family Restroom is the restroom for, ya know, families.
Like airplane seats and bonus checks, bathroom stalls have only gotten smaller in recent years. The Family Restroom exists so parents aren’t smashed into tiny stalls with kids who can’t go potty alone or are the opposite sex from their caregiver yet too young to go alone in their own gender’s restroom. It’s for dads who have diapers to change, moms with potty-training toddlers, and grandparents with small kids to maintain control over while they themselves have to pee. Having to cram two or more humans into one little stall as they all jockey for potty position while finding creative ways to amuse themselves as they wait their turn results in endless under-stall peeking and curious hands in the “sanitary waste box.”
Your wheelchair or mobility aid makes even the handicapped stall in the regular restroom a pain in the ass? Come on in! Your gender isn't covered by the sign, or people around you are dicks about it? The Family Restroom welcomes you! Gotta change outfits, plug in a flatiron, or spread out your whatever-items? Fuck off!
Using the Family Restroom sans family makes you as douchey as the able-bodied douchebag who parks in the handicapped spot. It was created, designed and intended for families and those with special potty-going needs – not for you to have alone time or to perfect your make-up contour skills. It is not your Personal Princess PeePee Apartment.
Speaking of pure aggravation...
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