You flew on some airline years ago, and now you've got a wad of pointless frequent flyer miles you know damn well you're never gonna use. And their enrollment folks know it, too, so they scored a data management firm to help squeeze every last drop of assets out of you. Here come the magazine subscriptions, bitches!
Use your miles (which may not actually be expiring, by the way) for a free subscription to "The Joy of Hole Digging." You really got into that copy of "VHS Today" at the dentist's office so you sent in one of the 83 subscription cards that rained out during your perusal. Now that you've gleaned about as much euphoria as possible during your 12 months of "Baking with Suet," the expiration notice arrives but you're okay with that becau-- wait, what's that? You've been mysteriously signed up for auto-renew? That's right, baby, you'll be swimmin' in lard recipes for the remainder of your time on Earth.
Seeing as how you've carelessly overlooked the microscopic print written in disappearing ink indicating that you agree to receive and pay for "Sandpaper Collecting" for the rest of your existence, you attempt to contact Scam Nickel Media to put a stop to this madness. Not so fast there, Super Subscriber! The voicemail's broken; the email address is expired; and the dude you spoke to no longer works there...yet they managed to put your payment through without a goddamned hitch. Serious skills there.
For some, it's just a matter of having their assistant spend half the morning chasing down corporate contact info, and for others, they'll be searching for answers on their phones between errands, swim practice and parent-teacher meetings. But all too often, the solution-of-least-time-suckage for these poor slobs is to cancel their credit card altogether.
If you're one of these subscription-based ass-hats with smarmy, intentionally unclear, and fuckheaded auto-renewal practices, Peevers everywhere make a heartfelt and earnest request for you to FUCK! RIGHT! OFF!
While we're on the subject of reading material...
Comments